Himalayan Mixed Hash Run No. 1237
31 August 02
Above: My Man 69 being recited. Not many listening.
First holding check.
The birthday girl. Age unknown. Socks and queued beers by Towed.
And the other hares.
Visitors Gareth and Andrew.
Virgins. GM Practicing.
More virgins, with small voices.
Virgin and returnees.
Birthday Run and Sixty Nine's 69th
Jedi, Office Mate II, and Hayden
Jedi's New Condom in the Foothills of Rani Ban
|Make yourselves comfortable before reading on - Towed is in project evaluation report writing mode - GM|
|In the northern hemisphere, this time of year is known as the rutting season: something to do with deer and birds and bees etc. It also seems an appropriate description for Nepal, given the state of the road into the hash site. Parking was provided in a small bog not 50m from the site, which made at least one of the returnees feel at home. Hashers were relieved to find that there was no truth in the rumour that Jedi was going to run in her birthday suit despite the innuendo in the run destructions on the website (bust parks etc).|
|The Hares announced that the Run had 9 checks of which 3, 4, 6 and 9 were holding; some false trails clearly marked with an X and some dubious apologies in advance for various parts of the run. So it was that a record 67 hashers set off around 15.10 on a hot Saturday afternoon with the hares fervently hoping that the pack would not end up back on the ring road about 5 minutes later having followed the reams of paper laid to guide us all in. Paper led the runners up into the forest - things were looking good - and to check 1 on a perfectly straight piece of track with no other options visible than to go straight on. However, the pleasant run through the pines was over all too soon and we slid back down the hill, back over the wall, through all the young crops and into the villages. The wall on the way out was higher than that on the way in, requiring a gentlemanly boost to be provided for one of the less agile members of the pack. (If she's not ready for a little obstacle like that, then what on earth is she Ever Ready for?). Meantime the walkers had simply continued straight along the road and were way ahead. It should be noted that within the first 500m of the run, Office Mate II had to ask her fellow hares where she should be going.|
|Check 2 on the edge of the paddy was a fairly simple affair for those at the back of the pack - just follow the walkers and on to holding check 3. On-on between paddy and pines through villages full of ducks. Durga had to demonstrate her not inconsiderable natural talent for duck herding on a number of occasions to allow Towed and Duckbill safe passage along this section of the trail. Holding checks are normally there to keep the pack together: to hold up the front runners and allow the walkers to catch up. Although this section had appeared straightforward, it seemed to have caught out a number of the front runners so that things were happening in reverse and the walkers were holding for the FRBs.|
|It was from this point, I think, that things started to go awry. I don't recall there being a check 5 but eventually around 10 or a dozen hashers plus Duckbill straggled in to holding check 6 at a pleasant little well with convenient adjacent shop, where Keeled Over and a few others were seen to be taking refreshments. By this time, it was 1615 and we were still heading away from the On-In site. A slightly concerned Hare canceled the holding check and told those present to check it out, so off we went up the hill and heading back for the forest at last. No more rocky tracks, no more dogs and ducks and freedom for Duckbill to have a run. Not so. The trail led up the hill but then doubled back ONTO THE TRAIL WE'D JUST COME UP and back to the check which, to my knowledge, is not in the Science Teacher's Guide to the General Principles of Hash Laying. However the brief respite on the top of the hill gave some fine views, in particular that of the rest of the pack about a mile away heading for home!|
down, to reestablish contact with the hare, but not all were convinced that this was correct
(how could it possibly be so?) and some had headed off upwards, never to be seen again until
the On-In site. The remaining few of the front pack were guided home by the Hares,
eventually arriving exhausted at Jedi's condom something
like an hour and 45 minutes after departing.
So, around half an hour later, the Master called the circle to order despite the fact that he was missing a virgin. Yes, one of those who'd never done it before was out there still doing it. A highly appropriate score of 6.9 was awarded to the hares before virgin Leaky (possibly not a correctly spelled abbreviation of Angelique, but it'll have to do) and others were welcomed to the hash in the traditional manner. Leaky is here for 6 months to be friendly with the Bagmati. Over the next six months I can guarantee that that friendship will be truly tested, especially if she runs from my house in about 4 months time and finds out what it's like on the south side! Other virgins were Chip, Terri, Rob, some of whom were teachers, Brent who eventually found his way back (small thanks to the Hares for going out to look for him) and Sudhir. Visitors Gareth, sporting a fetching Dhaka Mixed Hash sarong and Andrew who is here on a three week visit from Bangkok to sort out sanitation were also welcomed. The sarong prompted Turd Herder to dredge the depths of his memory for Hash Rules 1 and 2.
Bog Trotter and the aforementioned
Turd Herder were welcomed back in the traditional manner along with
Terri and Kathy.
The highlight of the afternoon was then upon us. The Ode
to 69. Casper was transformed
into the poet laureate of the hash in the modern era. Reciting from
the insubstantial works of Tegmo
and Nicholas the achievements of
that great German, 69, were lauded
in blank verse. This took approximately
13 seconds and included all his major and minor achievements since
Somewhere in all of this Matt and Tadpole arrived to make it 69 hashers on 69's 69th run. It was then noted that certain junior members of the hash were munching on chicken drumsticks and the offending chefs were duly chastised. Farewell to Office Mate II (is this true?) (no good askin' me guv - GM) before Shane and Brent were called in for being late.
|Keeled then was asked to celebrate his 50th run and Martina her 99th. Towed was hoist with his own petard when trying to accuse Bog Trotter of providing an Irish new lead for English Springer Duckbill. Grumblewald returned on his venerable BSA, having been called out to guide in Lisa who got lost on her way to the party, restoring a hitherto absent level of wit and repartee to the proceedings. For some reason, someone was awarded a posh down-down. We think it was Zeppelin, but due to the noise emanating from the private parties being conducted next to the scribe, we are not sure. In desperation to find a way of prolonging the agony a down-down was awarded to those requiring artificial aids to hold their ageing bodies together, namely Keeled Over, Towed, Jedi, and Every Ready.|
|When it came to the final award of Hashit, of course Casper had been so busy writing poems that he had forgotten the most important element of the circle. He therefore got to keep it. Let's hope he remembers it sometime before his farewell in 2 weeks time. Total loss of control ensued, with social drinking being declared by default. Unfortunately we had run out of social fluids to drink by that stage and it befell Keeled Over to rush out to the local 7-11 and replenish stocks. First party I've been at where the beer ran out before the party started!|
|In the GM's absence during the next few weeks we can only hope that a degree of discipline is restored to the circle by the RA and that affairs are conducted with the appropriate degree of respect from the assembled throng. Thanks to Jedi and the other Hares for a great occasion and to the usual Circle Catering Pt. Inc. of Mrs. Rotter, Towed Under and Ever Ready.|