Himalayan Mixed Hash Run No. 1261

8 February 2003

Location jungle clearing above Chalnakhel Virgins Bjorn the Nog
Hares Towed, Tadpole and Headchopper Newcomers Rebecca
Hashers 53, after correcting Keeled's list

Tom, Jessica

Fishit Easy Reider Leavers  
Trash Keeled Over Trashflash Towed and others

The Pictures

The Trash

The Three Hares

Hash Sex Test Failures

Please tell me what's going on - GM

Temporary GM with typically reluctant victim

Easy Reider hauls in the Fishit

With the absence of the GM, Turd Herder was dragooned into taking control of the 53 hashers who had gathered in great expectation in a shady jungle clearing above Chalnakhel on a sunny February Saturday afternoon. (The GM was later found to have actually arrived back at Tribhuvan Airport at 2:30 pm clutching a minor ailment as his feeble excuse for not speeding post-haste to Chalnakhel).

The three hares - no relation to the three bears - were called into the circle and mumbled something about checks, false trails, and steep ascents. Lao Lover was then caught in a compromising position with his dog, after which the all-clear was sounded. There was mass confusion as a network of false trails led the runners scurrying either side of the main road, hither and thither like a bunch of headless chickens. At last, one of the trails below the road seemed to be going somewhere although many runners were still going somewhere else.

As on Hash 1250, the trio of Towed hares used the combination of red, white and pink paper with white for runners, red for walkers and a mixture of red and white for shared trails. For God's sake, why can't they use a less confusing combination of paper? On the next Towed Hash I will be sure to bring along a spectrometer to detect the subtle difference between light red and dark pink. Could I take the liberty of suggesting that it may be more sensible to use two contrasting colours such as yellow and violet rather than the indistinguishable red and pink. I am sure that the Rural Access Project has a plethora of useless soiled yellow and violet coloured reports to send in the direction of Handphun's shredder.

Billary led the way, and this was the last that most of the runners saw of the walkers as the trail negotiated its way down towards the Bagmati. Keeled, Grumble, Sideways, and Yogi Hare followed red paper on an unintentional short cut to the first holding check. The runners set off again after Towed lumbered in with the back marking runners.

As predicted by Keeled Over, the trail now headed down through the terraces of ripening wheat, on to the bonny, bonny banks of the Bagmati and towards a temporary bridge. The trail led over the bridge to a check; but soon cries of on-on from Jedi and Sideways on the other side sent the front-runners scurrying back across the bridge on the way of the back check. A hash crash through the rickety planks on this bridge would have been fatal and a probable hash first of somebody dissolving on a hash!

Billary and Night Owl led the way as the white paper took the runners back up towards the main road. The sweating hashers were distracted from their exertions by a cacophony coming from a procession circumnambulating the temple on the opposite bank at Sano Khokana. Was it a wedding? Not far wrong as a corpse wrapped up in an orange cloth suggested that a funeral was taking place!

The paper led up and across the main road and on and up to the final holding check in a forest clearing. A long wait for the back markers gave everyone time to wipe the shit off the bottom of their shoes and Grumblewald to yet again ignore Hash procedures by proceeding away from the holding check without being given the go ahead, check it out.

The final leg led up and up the overgrown slope and up and up an ever narrower local trail before cutting off to the left and round and down an even narrower and barely discernible trail … to the beer.

Stand-in GM Turd Herder did a reasonable job of mismanaging the circle although he does need to work on his singing a bit. Talking of which the hash singing has recently become atrocious and is beginning to sound more like a funeral dirge. The concerned authorities ought to do something about this.

The hares were awarded the dizzy heights of a 9.9 score for managing to arrange a musical performance - the funeral band - to keep the runners entertained. The stand-in GM only succumbed to absent-mindedness once and managed to remain reasonably coherent whilst awarding down-downs to Virgin Bjorn (possible other hash name of Jimmy Connors?) and newcomer Rebecca who claimed to work for DFID and has hashed in Lesotho.

Tankards of foaming ale also went to Jedi for advertising her forthcoming appearance in a murder mystery, to Keeled Over for political incorrectness, and Towed Under and Jedi for pretending to be men. (For those not in the know, these latter indiscretions were about two articles that were circulated last week, the first from Keeled about the latest date-rape drug 'beer', and another from Turd Herder which was a chemical analysis of women. It characterised women as turning green when put alongside a superior specimen, boiling at absolutely nothing, freezing for no apparent reason, melting if given special treatment, and becoming bitter if used incorrectly.)

The American gals Jedi, Office Mate (uh? . . . thought we'd seen the last of her some time ago - GM) and Billary Tinclone were given the same treatment for private partying and for persistent gossiping on the 'run'. The Fishit went to Easy Reider for getting lost on the ride in to the on-in at the start of the previous week's hash. No mention was made of the Hashit who we must now assume has been consigned to history. We should try and make one last attempt to retrieve this valuable heirloom. If Mrs Rotter in fact threw it out, then I wonder what its fate has been and what the ragpicker who retrieved it from amidst the Rotter's kitchen waste did with it? Could all hashers please keep their eyes pealed when they next go browsing the nick-nack stalls at Kathmandu Durbar Square. The GM has confirmed that the hash treasury will reimburse any costs incurred in retrieving the hashit.

Thanks to Missus Rotter and Towed for providing the buffet and to Nepal brewers and bottlers for the refreshments.