Himalayan Mixed Hash Run No. 1271 19 April 2003
Location 8.05km on the Godavari Road Virgins Karl
Hares The Fox Newcomers none
Hashers 32 Returnees Paul, Cathy
Hashit Grumblewald Leavers none
Trash Towed Trashflash Tadpole and Rotter
The Pictures The Trash

The Hare

Very Late Arrival 1

Very Late Arrival 2

Returnees

For complaining about having to follow men and getting thorns in her headscarf, which in future will not be allowed in the circle

For hiding at the back of the circle

Hashit

A select band of 32 Hashers gathered by the regulation 1500 hours at a familiar site for those Fox Run habitués. Then Cathy arrived and, at around 1510, by the time the GM had got round to calling for a circle to be formed, Apple, accompanied by Returnee Paul and Virgin Karl fell out of a taxi to be followed by an irate driver who appeared to be reluctant to accept the more than generous seven rupees that Apple had offered for the fare from Maharajganj. Order was eventually restored and the Hare called in to the circle. Ten checks were announced with numbers 4 and 6 holding. The run was to be an acclimatisation for the forthcoming Keeled Over marathon anticipated in two weeks time. Other than that, the Hare had little to say.

First paper was directed along the main road to the south and we soon turned off to the west, no doubt to visit the great golden Buddha perched on the hillside above. The trail followed a concrete path through the local settlements for a little way before the first check was encountered. From here the trail led up through a young plantation with Rotter to the fore. I managed to check the trail through the local shithouse and collected a layer of the same on my right shoe, which was to stay with me for the rest of the run.

Check 2 was below the start of the pine plantation with the pack led on up the hill, I think, by Tadpole and Jedi. The hill went up and up, check 3 being somewhere around halfway, a check back which fooled the two lead runners (who may have been accompanied by Run Crafty as well). Anyway, for some reason I missed the paper leading to the check and by a quirk of fate found myself, accompanied by Duckbill and Aussie Paul, still unnervingly on paper and leading the pack on up yet again. The effects of a week at altitude were beginning to show their benefits - basically I was stuffed - and let Paul and Grumble, whose masochistic tendencies tend to lead him to the front in such territory, lead on. Up and Up it went to the ridge where Grumble was the only one to encounter what was supposed to be Holding Check 4 but, with the infinite wisdom borne of years of hashing, decided that it was not actually a holding check and rapidly found paper leading down a superb trail along the ridge. By this stage Grumble, Paul and I were well out of earshot of the dilatory masses struggling up the hill behind - the source of much criticism of being silent FRBs later on when they eventually caught up at Holding Check 6. A moment of confusion between checks 5 and 6 saw Grumble head off down the wrong trail leaving me alone (with Duckbill) to lead on down the hill to Holding Check 6. Eventually the rest of the pack struggled in ("floated in, fresh and eager" would be a more accurate description - GM) with some debate as to whether this was check 4 or 6. No sign of walkers or Hare, and a question of Hash etiquette was raised by Keeled Over as to whether we should wait for lost virgin Karl or not. A resounding view of “Bollocks to him, lets check it out” was the unified response, so off we went again, certain of the direction of the trail due to Grumble having checked all trails to the west on his meanderings.

From here it seemed to develop into every man (sorry Jedi, person) for her/himself. The problem with Fox runs is that everyone expects the check back, so only one FRB actually manages to see the checks whilst the rest of the pack scatter back down the trail as soon as “Checking” is called. I think checks 7 and 8 were found whilst I was still in relatively close proximity to the rest of the pack, but beyond that I have no idea what transpired. Duckbill had her swim and we found a pleasant trail leading back up to the main road a few hundred metres from the On In. Others emerged on the out trail swearing blind that the paper was laid all the way there.

So, on to the circle.

The Master decided that Karl, Hayden and No-Balls Jathra were probably never coming back and called the circle to order a little while after the Hare had led in the stragglers and some two hours after that start. The Hare was called in and, despite my view that the run should have been held in Ratna Park as an expression of solidarity with the revolting students, many of whom had probably suffered the tender mercies of the Hare earlier in their careers, was awarded a revolutionary 9.9 for what was an excellent, if knackering run. At some stage during the run discussion Karl, Hayden and No-Balls returned just in time for Virgin Karl to receive the traditional welcome to the Hash.

Returnees Cathy and Aussie Paul were welcomed back in true style but the Master decreed that an absence of one week for Towed and Tadpole was not sufficient to qualify as Welcome Backs, and in any case Towed wasn’t welcome back. Latecomers Apple, Paul and Karl were then suitably chastised for this sin with other down-downs as follows:

• Milestones: Grumblewald for forgetting his last week

• Crashes: The Fox, Rotter and Run Crafty

Grumble for Wanking when he should know better

Apple for being a tight arse and not paying his taxi fare

Cathy for having exceedingly clean shoes which she ascribed to an anally retentive domestic help

Towed for confusing everyone by following paper until check 8 and also revealing a dented head when he removed his hat in accordance with Hash etiquette

Towed Under in a vote of sympathy at Towed’s return, her week of blissful freedom with Custard Tart and Head Chopper being sadly ended

• Either the GM or Jedi for doubting his or her nose (that’s what it says in the notes anyway)

At this point great alarm ensued as the circle was invaded by a vehicle that, at first sight, looked like that belonging to Bendy Toes, but transpired to be a bunch of local ne’er-do-wells out for a good time. Fortunately they drove straight into a bog, thus preserving the integrity of the circle, but had to be pushed out by the pack, warranting a down-down for the driver (who appeared a few minutes later with a bottle of Jack Daniels or similar, offering to have another down-down on that!). After this brief interlude, Hash affairs were resumed with a call for Hares for next week. Grumble, Lost Ark and Turd Herder volunteered to set another south side run at Champi. Then:

Karl was called back in for having his hand in his pocket, clutching that possession most dear to him (his wallet, of course) and Apple was invited to join him for not explaining the rules.

Custard Tart noticed Paul having a little dance to himself, so duly shopped him to the Master, Grumble, Lost Ark and Turd.

Jumping Jack Flash for standing outside the circle and being remarkably quiet, with the Master calling for Turd Herder and Lost Ark to be the only song singers, hence the hash song was even more crap than usual

Hayden and Towed for hashing alone with their dogs

Jedi for hearing voices, presumably when no-one was calling (this could be related to not following her, or the GM’s nose)

• And finally, the Hashit to Grumble for some reason, despite competing nominations of Towed for having foot shit and Run Crafty for being far too quiet.

Thanks to the Hare for an excellent, if a little strenuous run and to Towed Under for getting Raju to do the Hash catering in Mrs Rotter’s absence.